I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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