Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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