We got so high we made milksteak
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
