This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina