piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
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I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.