I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Only a mothe r could love this liver
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?