i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.