like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub