Please, let me fuck your mom
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
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I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
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Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.