You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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