You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
