Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
