I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
