just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
40s are totally the cure
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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