Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
