apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
