U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just wanna soil my oats bro
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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