Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
