so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
