put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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