i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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