Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
