There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
