I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
A+ Viking dick
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