She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
