at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
