i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
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There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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