you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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