just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
