He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
