He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Randomize
