Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
