four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i think im in europe. pls send help
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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