He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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