I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize