you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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