three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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