He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
