OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
