you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
