Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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