I think my fart just growled at me.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
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