i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
