i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
