i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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