Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
