So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
