I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
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I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize