How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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