I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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