Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
