lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
