I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
