so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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