Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you will always have a special place in my vag
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
