Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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