I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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