I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
