OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
