I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
