Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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