And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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