This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
